Of all her failings, Misato wonders which will hit her the hardest. Her failure at being a daughter, a lover or a mother?
She takes on the coat of a brother in arms more readily than an apron, the captain's hat fits her better, and late nights out at work suits her just fine. She won't ever be the kind to stay up waiting at a dinner growing cold. That was her mother's life, spent crying and pining and waiting to be loved, and it won't be hers because she won't wait for anything. What she still wouldn't admit is how much she is more like her father, as emotionally evasive, as drowned in work, as incapable of warmth. Still she stays crouched near the girl, eyes on the floor.
"A few days," she found it at some point during her continued stretch of sleeplessness, but the days and nights blur together. "Sorry, I lost count."
It occurs to her that perhaps she should apologize on behalf of the other adults too, on behalf of NERV, but she finds she doesn't want to. If she admits to guilt then she admits her part in this entire despicable plan. If she apologizes then she's calling herself one of them when she still has every plan to go after them, destroy the foundations of their power, avert their masterplan.
"They're all the same," except for Unit 00, but she keeps that silent, telling herself it's for Rei's sake, telling herself she doesn't know enough yet. "Would it have been better not to know?"
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She takes on the coat of a brother in arms more readily than an apron, the captain's hat fits her better, and late nights out at work suits her just fine. She won't ever be the kind to stay up waiting at a dinner growing cold. That was her mother's life, spent crying and pining and waiting to be loved, and it won't be hers because she won't wait for anything. What she still wouldn't admit is how much she is more like her father, as emotionally evasive, as drowned in work, as incapable of warmth. Still she stays crouched near the girl, eyes on the floor.
"A few days," she found it at some point during her continued stretch of sleeplessness, but the days and nights blur together. "Sorry, I lost count."
It occurs to her that perhaps she should apologize on behalf of the other adults too, on behalf of NERV, but she finds she doesn't want to. If she admits to guilt then she admits her part in this entire despicable plan. If she apologizes then she's calling herself one of them when she still has every plan to go after them, destroy the foundations of their power, avert their masterplan.
"They're all the same," except for Unit 00, but she keeps that silent, telling herself it's for Rei's sake, telling herself she doesn't know enough yet. "Would it have been better not to know?"