redheadcarrier | [DDD | RL] Liar, Liar

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[DDD | RL] Liar, Liar - Backdated

Click. Click. Click. Asuka thumbed the remote control again and the picture on the television screen flickered and changed. She had a day off from work and so far it had been... sort of boring. She'd ended up channel surfing to try and find something interesting to watch. As much as she hated to admit it, at least when she was at work she had something to do. And when she had worked for NERV, there was always the possibility of getting called out on a mission. Here, there was nothing. Click. Another channel, another boring show or informercial. Wasn't there anything good on these days?

She slumped back against the couch, voicing some of her thoughts aloud, "You know, at least at work I had something to do."

Huh. Where'd that come from?

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He had not been out of his room for most of the day. Submerged in reading, it had granted him something to do.

(He had not had to go in for work. Yet, that is. Tomorrow or the next. And part of him wondered if it was too late to switch occupations. Just look a little more - And it was a thought he ground out as soon as it happened to spark. Before it happened to spread. Alight further ideas of skipping out, of moving on, of applying again. Somewhere different. Somewhere further. Something closer to-)

Now, it was a restlessness that drove him out. (Too stale air.) Now, it was thoughtless curiosity that spurred him to respond. (And from the kitchen, her voice had been clear enough.) And for a moment, he debated whether or not to join her on the couch - Only to wander into the living room, before he had the chance to sort it out.

Only to take a seat on the far end of the couch. A careful distance. (Glancing to her once, before focusing his attention on shuffling channels.)

"Nothing happens to be on, I assume?"

Asuka glanced up as Kaworu sat on the far end of the couch from her and shrugged, rolling her eyes, "Nothing at all." She grumbled quietly and flipped to another channel, giving Kaworu another look. He'd been quiet all day and now he came out? What was his game, anyway?

"So, what brings you out of your cave, Kaworu?"

He felt her eyes, for a moment. Felt her look away and back, again. (And it took a moment to register that he had been called by his first name. Took a longer moment to show that he had acknowledged it. A faint roll of the shoulder, and nothing else.)

"I decided to break from reading," And it was honest. He hadn't expected to go unquestioned. He supposed it was odd timing, on his behalf. "I had went for tea, originally."

Tea. Her mind went to the conversation they had had a night or two ago and she grunted, ignoring the acknowledgment. That conversation had been a bit awkward and she still didn't know why he'd been waiting for her (or if he had been, but she suspected he had). She glanced at him again, mindlessly flipping through channels once more.

"You mean like our little talk the other night? I think you were waiting up for me. Not that I'm complaining."

She blinked, gaped. Had those words really just popped out? She'd meant to stop before saying that!

And it was a faint flicker of surprise that rippled through him. (Passed just as quickly as it had started. Never seeping into his expression, but lingering at the edges.) He had been waiting up for her. He suspected she did know. And he took a moment to steal a glance at her - Before looking away again.

(She would not say that normally. She would not-And he thought of Minato. For a moment. Thought of what he had said, earlier. What he assumed to be a virus.)

He focused his attention upon the constant change of channels. Mentally tracked the stations.

"No," his voice was soft. Thoughtful. "Not quite."

Asuka tried not to let her own shock and surprise at her own words bleed into her expression. Unfortunately, she wasn't nearly as good as Kaworu was at doing that and she blinks, growling under her breath. Where had that come from? She turned her gaze on him, setting the remote aside.

She leaned towards him, hands splayed out on the couch to support her weight as she glared. For a moment the words won't come and then they tumble out in a torrent of angry words and sharp glances, "Not quite? Not quite? What does that mean, Kaworu?! Here I am, all confused and wondering what you think about our whole relationship before this, about how I feel and that's all you can say?!"

She clamped her mouth a shut a moment later, trying to contain everything else she wanted to yell at him. One of her hands clapped over her mouth and she just glared at Kaworu instead.

He felt the shift before he saw it. Felt the glare before he met it. Before something like a faint surprise broke through his expression. Before it was quickly replaced. (Something softer. Quieter.) Before he let himself look at her. (The shock was evident. The attempt to quiet the rest of what she wished to say, more-so.)

Before he met the glare with equanimity, voice level. Rounded.

"I mean to say: Not quite like the previous night, Asuka." He paused, weighed and measured the consequences of his next sentence. The words were ashes in mouth. Jumbled and indecipherable. And the harder he tried to grasp at what he wished to say, the further it bled away. The further it tapered off.

"I do not mean to say that I do not think about how you feel." He glanced toward the television. Glanced back again. Expression open. Chancing on a sincere curiosity. "... You wish to know what I think?"

Asuka leaned away from him, arms folded, mouth clamped firmly shut. She saw the look of surprise, managed to sense it before he cut it off, and she just glared at him, daring him to challenge what she'd said, dared him to do something. Her anger was hot and she had a target. She wanted to yell at him, but she didn't trust herself to not say something wrong.

Her mouth opened and she managed to get out a few words before she clamped it shut again, "Of course I want to know how you feel, idiot!"

No more talking. Quiet, don't let it out. She couldn't let him know more.

It was something like discomfort that settled in the pit of his stomach as soon as she leaned back. As soon as she folded her arms. She did not need to open her mouth to let him know what she demanded. Part of him had half-expected the question to come, eventually. Part of him had hoped it would not.

He willed himself to retain eye contact. It was a challenge, and he knew a break would reveal what it was he felt. What it was that was coiling. Knotting. To answer her truthfully held the same pros and cons as to answer it with uncertainty. Her anger was palpable. He did not wish to fuel it.

Despite it, he broke eye contact. Let his expression morph into contemplation.

When his words bubbled up, they were careful. Quiet. He would avoid it. For a moment. What did he think? What did he--At the time it had been something bordering on contentment. It was a stability. It had been odd, but it had been welcomed. He hadn't disliked it. He hadn't disliked the closeness. He hadn't disliked knowing the smaller sensations. The brush of hands. Simplicity.

"I suppose that is mutual, then."

Asuka glared, tried to keep the words from coming. She didn't want this to happen now, she didn't want this complication, "That's not an answer! That's a stupid question within a question, you idiot! Now answer me!"

He ignored the glare. Ignored the flaring anger. Raised a hand to rest against the back of his neck. Something of a soothing gesture.

He didn't want this complication. He didn't think it would come about like this. He didn't think -- He kept his voice soft. Fought out the reluctance.

"... It had not been uncomfortable," he scoured his mind for the correct words. Something more substantial. Something less substantial. "I cannot say I regretted it."

She wanted to hit him. She'd been stewing over this for weeks and this is how it ended up. Because she couldn't keep her stupid mouth shut and still she wanted to hit him. It had to be his fault, it couldn't be her own. Never, never, never. She wouldn't fail again.

"Well, I didn't 'regret' it either! And...!"

Her teeth ground together, "...I..."

She slumped in her corner, arms folded, glaring sullenly at him, refusing to say anymore.

And it took a moment to realize he had unconsciously folded back into himself. (Inch by inch. And her anger was not easing back. Was not decreasing. Ceasing. Ending.) Took a moment longer to realize he had gently reinforced what division was between them, his hand already lowered to rest uncertainly on his knee.

Part of him wanted to ask. Part of him wanted to pull from her answers. But, - He only granted her a careful, half-glance.

"... Then, I do not think it is all bad." A pause. Searching. "That it happens to be mutual."

She looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes, folded into herself. She didn't want to deal with this. This was stupid. He was stupid. Everything was stupid and she didn't want to see him, didn't want to talk, didn't want- "Get out-"

She coughed, swallowed, found the words coming again without her bidding, "...don't. Don't go."

He didn't blame her.

It wasn't eased into. It wasn't talked about, before. Hinted at. It was too jumbled. Too raw. Too--

He had pulled himself to his feet. He had almost murmured a soft assent. He had almost--And then, it was a different command.

She does not wish me to go?

It took perhaps longer than he wished it. Longer than he expected. But, it was with a faint cautiousness that he slowly took a seat, again.

Waited.

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[DDD | RL] Liar, Liar - Backdated

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