[STATION 72] MENTAL LINK

[redheadcarrier]

I'LL KILL YOU I'll kill you!	I HATE THIS I hate everyone.
THOUGH I hate myself the most.	I DON'T WANT TO DIE I don't want to die.

( CODE BY WHAMBAM )

Comments

DAY 039

[miscreant]

[Its impossible for Seviilia not to tune into the immense turmoil raging through the Nest link. She sits, perched like a bird of paradise soaking up the sun as it carries and carries and carries.

Always there, a distant chill. But she doesn't interrupt. Her broodmate clearly has her under control -- or as much as she can be controlled. In that, the Death Knight feels some sort of twisted kinship.

Interesting, that the center of her hatred focuses on Misato -- the woman she remembers from so early in her wakening on the Station.]

( Do you want to kill her, little one? )

[redheadcarrier]

[ Asuka knows that everyone 'heard'. She also doesn't care. Everyone can know that Misato is worthless, as far as she's concerned. ]

( I want to hurt her. )

[ She knows who Seviilia is talking about. ]

( And I'm not a 'little one'. )

[miscreant]

( I am hundreds of years old. To me, everyone is little. )

[But that is neither here nor there.]

( At the cost of hurting others? Does that prospect trouble you? )

[Misato is one of Shepard's. Her interests in this are somewhat conflicted.]

[redheadcarrier]

( No. It doesn't. )

[ It's an impulsive answer. Maybe she'd feel guilty. Maybe she wouldn't. She didn't care about hurting Lavellan, earlier. ]

coma drama

[lavelly]

[It's only hours after that strange moment with Asuka in the dining area that it happens. A sudden shock, and then an acute sense of loss, like an injury that took a while to register. He has to brace himself against the wall with how much it makes him reel.

Ever since he awoke on this station, there had been a constant, almost comforting buzz behind the din of the others' minds. It wasn't until he met Adra that he realized it was the presence of his "brood," and it wasn't until Asuka that he realized what that kind of connection to another's mind could mean.

Now one of them was snuffed out. One he'd never even met, but he's still overcome with a kind of grief he hasn't felt since he woke up with his left forearm gone.

He thinks of Asuka as soon as he starts to recover. The girl is fragile enough as it is; who knows what kind of effect this could have on her.

It's something he's never done before, reaching out to a specific person from a distance. But it feels somehow natural.]

( Asuka. Did you feel that? )

[redheadcarrier]

[ Asuka feels it, too. She's new, of course, so maybe it doesn't hit her as badly. It still feels like she's lost something. There was something - someone - there and now there isn't. A gaping hole that her mind tries to fill. She's curled up in a chair in the dining area, hands pressed to her temples when she 'feels' his voice.

She doesn't know what to make of Lavellan. He took her pain on himself. Supported her. She didn't want that, didn't ask for that, but it feels like maybe she should be grateful. He treated her like her anger mattered. Like it was important.

And she's drawn to him. Because of the symbiote. ]

( Of course I felt it. What happened? )

[ It's still strange. It reminds her of the 'conversation' the Angel had tried to have with her, but this feels so much less intrusive. ]

[lavelly]

[He doesn't want to think about the specifics, have to actually articulate what he's feeling. He's calming down some, but the idea of feeling out the source of it all for more detail is making him shy away, like he's trying to touch an open wound.]

( I'm not sure. I think...

I think one of ours is gone. One from our brood. )

[redheadcarrier]

( And we have to suffer for it? That's stupid. )

DAY :041

[wille]

[ It takes massive control, surely, for Misato to be able to make this sound so mundane. Perhaps the most audacious and radical act is to neither avoid nor avenge. Love thy enemies, is it? But the girl's no enemy. She's just that, a girl. ]

( Asuka. How are you settling in? )

[redheadcarrier]

[ Asuka's not sure how to feel when Misato's mental tendrils brush up against her own mind. She want to hate her. Thinks that she does. There's so much hurt and pain and resentment built up that it's difficult for her to figure out what she ought to say or how to say it.

Sev has encouraged her to hurt her. Maybe she should.

Misato wants this to be casual; like she hadn't slapped Asuka across the face for daring to point out that her golden child was a monster in the form of a boy. ]

( It's better than being stuck with Ikari. )

[ She forgave him. That doesn't mean she likes him. ]

( Since when do you care? )

[wille]

( I don't know if I care about you the way you want me to. )

[ She repeats the words to herself in multiple variations after the fact, still wondering which is best, certainty or honest uncertainty? The way you need me to or the way I should. Necessity or duty? Or should it have been, I care about you in my own way? She isn't even sure if that would be a lie. ]

( You survived. That says a lot about you. I think you should know. But I'm not giving up on the rest of them either. )

[redheadcarrier]

[ That hits like a metaphorical punch to the gut, but it's an admission of sorts. It's something. Not quite taking responsibility, but it's almost honest. ]

( I never wanted you to be my mother, if that's what you're thinking. )

[ In another part of Asuka's head, there's her brood link, which means there's a third (and potentially more) who can 'listen in' on this particular 'chat'. ]

( Why not? You gave up on me before we even started. You already had your chosen one. )

[ There's the resentment and and the anger. It's sharp and sarcastic and cutting. ]

Day :042

[huntsmachines]

[ Aloy is still getting used to this. Still unsure. But she's worried for the girl she met, worried for her pain and her anger and the pent up suffering that she can feel roiling beneath the surface. Even if they're not 'brood,' her sympathy tugs her towards the younger girl. ]

( Asuka, it's Aloy. How's your cheek? )

[redheadcarrier]

[ That's a surprise. Asuka's still not used to having 'voices' in her head, either. There's a little ping as she latches onto the 'intrusion'. ]

( Uh, fine. Why? )

[huntsmachines]

[ Aloy lets out a mental breath. She had been worried that Asuka wouldn't reply. ]

( I was curious. And I wanted to make sure you're alright. )

[redheadcarrier]

[ Asuka hasn't completely shut herself out from everyone. Not yet, at least. Even if she finds the mental speaking kind of freaky. ]

( I'm fine. It was just a slap. )

D55

[servitor]

[Nyx is still trying to work out how to politely interfere someone's headspace. The operative word being politely.

What he's been doing, as of late, is following the links with his mind, with a massive white coeurl just hovering at the edge, piercing blue eyes and warmth, laced with a contained ferocity. It's his own way of announcing himself, in some concrete sense.

It's his detachment personified. A second level of protection he could weave into and out of without needing to have barriers. It's how he's managing to stay afloat despite the yawning canyon the beast keeps circling back to, now that Annie and Annabeth are gone.]

( Got a minute? )

[He's still just at the edge, waiting to stay or to go.]

Re: D55

[redheadcarrier]

[ Asuka isn't used to it either. It feels strange to have someone else in your headspace. To "talk", but not really. Still, she's trying to adapt. She's all sharp edges and crimson and her attention focuses on Nyx as soon as he pings her. ]

( I guess. What do you want? )

[servitor]

( You do or you don't, Asuka. )

[His own purples, with its warmth and rough edges, stay their boundaries, though he makes himself more open for the conversation.]

( The next mission is going to be do or die. You might've heard that before but they're not going to bother coming back for us if we compromise it. I'm not telling you because you can't do it, I'm telling you because you can handle people screwing it up and getting them back in shape. At least, that's what it looks like to me. )

[That and, you know, he's got a soft spot for young girls and trying to protect them in some manner.]

Day idk

[earthborn]

( Hey. I'm checking in. )

[Shepard's tone is, if not rote, then certainly practiced. She looks after her people-- and more than casual conversation, jokes aside, or mission-specific talk... She's here to do the rounds.

( How you holding up? )

[redheadcarrier]

( OK. )

[ Just "OK". She's been better and she's been worse. Honestly, she's had some good discussions, but at the same time she feels like she's on a never-ending treadmill, trying to make up for all of her mistakes. And every time she makes another one, she has to start all over again. ]

[earthborn]

( Wow, nice. That answers all my questions. I feel really informed about your status right now. )

[Come the fuck on, teenager, are you shitting me right now?]

( Asuka, report! )

: D

[extradite]

[ Drip. Drip. Drip.

Enjoy, for the next twenty minutes, the running faucet of Shinji's awareness, just on the verge of inconveniencing, but never quite bringing himself to cross that threshold.

Until, finally — ]


( How can you be happier here? With... everyone invading our thoughts whenever they want. It's bad enough adults can do what they want with our bodies, anyway. Now it's... they've left us nothing. Nothing at all. )

oh hi shonji

[redheadcarrier]

[ It's right there. Right at the edge of her awareness, like a scab that you want to pick at or a faint noise that you can't quite place or find the cause of it. She deals with it and tries to shut it out, temper slowly fraying, bit by bit, until - he speaks.

She's avoided him after their first meeting and she hadn't expected him, of all people, to be the one to break the mutual silence they've had with one another. ]

( Well, hi to you too, Ikari. )

[ She avoids answering the question, because it's complicated. What kind of answer could she give? That it's because here people seem to care? That there are people who don't seem to want to just use her like a disposable tool? Can she even be that open with him? ]

( You just have to learn how to keep them out. It's not my fault you're bad at it. )

[ Still not answering the question. She's good at that. ]

hey gurl heeeeey

[extradite]

[ ...right. That's what it comes down to: ability. Prowess. Natural skill. She's always been more gifted than him, less volatile. Of course she'll have managed feats he can't even name yet. ]


( How do you keep them out? They're disgusting. All of them. All of them are disgusting. )