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[ Real Life | DDD ] Nightmares
Oct. 6th, 2008 09:54 amAsuka stared up at the ceiling of her old room, trying to understand it all. They were stuck on a blasted, dead world. As far as she knew, only she and Shinji were alive. And now... Ayanami? Where had the First come from? What was worse, they were trapped. So far, everyone trying to worldhop over to them had failed. So, it looked like she would be spending another night - the rest of her life? - on this planet. Her home.
And yet, she felt no particular attachment. Just disappointment and anger at herself, at Shinji, at everyone, because they had failed. The most important time and job in her whole life and she'd failed. She rolled over and screamed into the mattress in rage and frustration.
I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry. I'm strong.
Curling up on herself, she tried to get some sleep. Tomorrow would bring something. She just didn't know what. As she drifted into unconsciousness her thoughts swirled together, a mish-mash of memories, confusion, and despair. For a short time, she slept soundly. She shifted fitfully for a moment.
She was back in her Eva, surrounded by the Mass Production units. She flexed her fingers over her controls, grinning. This was right. This was where she was supposed to be. "Twenty seconds for each. No problem."
Unit 02 launches forward and she almost dances into combat. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Her opponents are falling before her like bugs on a windshield, but she's running out of time. Something at the back of her mind is bothering her. Hasn't she done this before? Maybe it will end differently. Another one goes down. And another. She lops the arms off of one and then splits it half. She puts the arm of her Eva through two of them and crushes their insides. She turns looking for her last opponent and there's something coming at her. Don't they know it's useless? She has her AT Fie-
Agonizing, white hot pain lances through the left side of her face. They've speared her. There's something lodged in her (her Eva's? Her mother's?) skull and it hurts. Ignore the pain! She has to get up, she has to finish this, but her Eva has no power. She'll make it move through sheer force of will. She has to kill them. But she knows how this will end.
She stretches out her hand towards the sunlight, "I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you. I'm goin-"
Her arm splits in two and she almost imagines she can hear the bone shatter and the flesh tear, even as a part of her mind screams that this isn't happening, it's happening to Her Eva, to Unit 02 (her mother). But it hurts, it hurts and she can't move and the white shapes are coming for her.
She woke up screaming, flailing at unseen enemies and for a few long moments she's simply trying to get away, scrambling into a corner, breath coming in short, small gasps. Her head finally began to clear, wiping away the fog of dreams. She put her face in her hands and began to cry softly. A moment later she took a few deep, shuddering breaths.
Don't cry. You're stronger than this.
She forced back the pricking sensation at the corners of her eyes, her throat aching. Another deep breath. She wasn't going to be going back to sleep anytime soon.
Don't cry.
And yet, she felt no particular attachment. Just disappointment and anger at herself, at Shinji, at everyone, because they had failed. The most important time and job in her whole life and she'd failed. She rolled over and screamed into the mattress in rage and frustration.
I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry. I'm strong.
Curling up on herself, she tried to get some sleep. Tomorrow would bring something. She just didn't know what. As she drifted into unconsciousness her thoughts swirled together, a mish-mash of memories, confusion, and despair. For a short time, she slept soundly. She shifted fitfully for a moment.
She was back in her Eva, surrounded by the Mass Production units. She flexed her fingers over her controls, grinning. This was right. This was where she was supposed to be. "Twenty seconds for each. No problem."
Unit 02 launches forward and she almost dances into combat. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Her opponents are falling before her like bugs on a windshield, but she's running out of time. Something at the back of her mind is bothering her. Hasn't she done this before? Maybe it will end differently. Another one goes down. And another. She lops the arms off of one and then splits it half. She puts the arm of her Eva through two of them and crushes their insides. She turns looking for her last opponent and there's something coming at her. Don't they know it's useless? She has her AT Fie-
Agonizing, white hot pain lances through the left side of her face. They've speared her. There's something lodged in her (her Eva's? Her mother's?) skull and it hurts. Ignore the pain! She has to get up, she has to finish this, but her Eva has no power. She'll make it move through sheer force of will. She has to kill them. But she knows how this will end.
She stretches out her hand towards the sunlight, "I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you. I'm goin-"
Her arm splits in two and she almost imagines she can hear the bone shatter and the flesh tear, even as a part of her mind screams that this isn't happening, it's happening to Her Eva, to Unit 02 (her mother). But it hurts, it hurts and she can't move and the white shapes are coming for her.
She woke up screaming, flailing at unseen enemies and for a few long moments she's simply trying to get away, scrambling into a corner, breath coming in short, small gasps. Her head finally began to clear, wiping away the fog of dreams. She put her face in her hands and began to cry softly. A moment later she took a few deep, shuddering breaths.
Don't cry. You're stronger than this.
She forced back the pricking sensation at the corners of her eyes, her throat aching. Another deep breath. She wasn't going to be going back to sleep anytime soon.
Don't cry.
