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[ She probably would expire if it's anything beyond surface level. She has so many hangups and messed up emotions regarding how she has to stand on her own (but still desperately craves affection, craves love, craves attention) and if she doesn't stand on her own then, paradoxically, she doesn't deserve any of it. ]

...not yet. I've been able to avoid it. And I hope it stays that way.

[ She has too many demons. ]

I don't need other people seeing that shit.

[ There's a pause. ]

What about you?

Edited 2024-10-14 17:38 (UTC)

Seems I've been fine so far.

[ You know. Fine. That's why Fabian is sounding clearly tired on his end of this, because he's fine. Totally a-okay.

It's not like he's lying, since he thankfully didn't have to face any of his own fears when he knows they're absolutely terrible, but he has been so busy with dragging other people out of their fears that it's left him absolutely exhausted. ]

If you do end up having to deal with some shit, let me know. [ A slight pause, and then-- ] I'm telling you to.

[ You know, so she doesn't have to feel bad about reaching out for help. It's not like she'd be the one reaching out if he's bossing her around, right? Even if Fabian's energy doesn't really sound like he's bossing anyone around right now. ]

Fine, fine. I'll tell you. But I'm not going to let this place beat me.

[ Asuka sounds bitterly determined about that. ]

I'll get through this. Just like I've gotten through everything else.

[ It hurts and it sucks and she doesn't know how long she can keep pushing through for - she keeps doing it, keeps getting up, keeps moving, even after everything - but she'll do it. Lying down and dying isn't something she wants to do. ]

[ Fabian is quiet for a moment - seemingly thinking about something. ]

How about we do it like this then? You tell me about something you're afraid of. Something you think that might appear here. [ Not that he thinks Asuka is likely to agree to that. Talking about her fears? She'd probably just yell at him. So-- ] Then I'll tell you the same in return.

[ That way it's fair, right? ]

Then we can both keep an eye out and warn the other if we spot it. Easier to tackle a problem when you are prepared for it, right?

[ There's a long silence. Almost to the point where he might think she's just turned the communicator off.

Then she finally speaks up again. ]

I don't want to.

[ She doesn't want to speak about her fears. She doesn't want to give them power by speaking them aloud, she doesn't want to think about what they mean and why she's afraid of them. ]

It isn't like I'm really that afraid of anything anyway.

[ She lies and she knows she's lying and he knows she's lying. ]

[ He definitely knows.

Fabian isn't too sure if she's aware of that too, but he thinks she must be. It's not like this is the most convincing act in the world when you've heard from Asuka what Fabian has. But he also knows what she gets like when she's pushed so--

He lets out a deep sigh. Not really out of frustration with her, but because of how hard it is to say what he's about to say. ]

So there's this-- There's this guy.

[ Even his words sound reluctant, but he speaks all the same. If she won't start, then he will, if it's the only way to show her it's alright to talk about this stuff to people you trust. ]

A gnome. Short guy. Looks like a pirate. If he shows up here, then-- [ Fabian pauses, sounding almost like he's choking on his words. Not out of sadness, but out of fear. A sheer, primal fear he can feel sneaking up on him just by talking about this. ] Then I am done for.

[ Asuka isn't quite sure where this is going. But she listens anyway because Hell, he deserves a chance, right? She does kinda like the guy after all. Her weight shifts a little. ]

...what? Why?

[ That doesn't make sense to her. What makes this particular guy so threatening? ]

Who is this asshole?

His name is Chungledown Bim.

[ There's something about the way he says it that sounds like he has to force the name out. Like Fabian is scared of just saying it, even though he's managing to do it with some effort. ]

He is-- He's really mad at me. He said that he was-- He was going to--

[ Give him a moment here, Asuka. At least it helps that they're not talking in person, because Fabian would feel awkward if she could see him freaking out on top of hearing it, but he still needs to muster up enough inside of him to say: ]

He told me he was going to shit in my mouth!

...what?

[ Asuka just - she has no idea what to say to that. It sounds a little nonsensical when Fabian says it like that. Especially the name. She just stares. ]

...that's the lamest threat ever! How the Hell are you scared of that?

What?!

[ Somehow this reaction only makes Fabian look more panicked.

Because boy, this sure is the same reaction as he got from his friends last time, isn't it. It's like no one understands the terror of this but him, which only makes it seem even more terrifying. ]

Asuka, you-- you're not listening to me! He was going to shit in my mouth!

OK, and? Just because he says he was going to do it doesn't mean he can! Or will! It's like getting scared of someone telling you to eat shit!

[ She is incredulous. ]

Of course he can! You don't know what it was like!

[ There's something weirdly desperate in Fabian's voice now, joining the panic that was already there. Even if she seems to think it's nothing too special, he seems extremely freaked out. More than any mission in this place has made him feel.

And yet--

There's the sound of Fabian swallowing. ]

.. fine. [ His tone drops. The panic and desperation is gone from it, but everything else seems to be too. Like all the energy that makes Fabian himself is suddenly gone from it, leaving something empty behind. ] I guess you don't believe me, just like everyone else.

What do you mean I don't believe you?

[ Asuka's still sharp and bristling. She's not the kind of person to pull her hackles in. But even she can sense the way his energy just drops. She folds her arms, giving him a look. She doesn't know what to say or how to approach this or what it is she ought to do. A part of her feels like - what? Like she ought to say something comforting? ]

I believe it happened! I just don't get how it's that scary! That's... that's it.

[ Which is a weak olive branch, but there it is. ]

[ Fabian is a little quiet. At least his mood doesn't seem to get worse, but it doesn't really seem to get better either - though that's no fault of Asuka's olive branch here, as weak as it might be.

It's just that he doesn't know how to talk about this. Fabian doesn't know how to convey the feeling he experienced in any way other than this. He doesn't know how to express just how much it feels like that day sunk into his very bones, even if he mostly got over it, even if he remade himself just to deal with it. It'll never fully leave him, probably.

The forest of the Nightmare King knew, after all. ]

I wanted to live up to my papa's legacy. And I couldn't. And now that man is eternally hunting me down for it. [ He tries, speaking slowly, avoiding looking at Asuka whatsoever. ] He'll do worse than kill me if he ends up here.

...well. He's gonna have to deal with more than just you.

[ She folds her arms, not sure what else to say about it. He's obviously taken this threat to heart, no matter how silly she finds it out of context. There's not a lot she can do about it. There's not a lot she knows about it. So what does she say? How does she approach it? It's hard for her to consider it. ]

We can just... I dunno... shoot him or something.

[ They can get a gun, probably. ]

..

[ There's another quiet moment.

For a different reason, though. This time it's more Fabian's inability to easily accept help, even though there's a part of him that desperately wants to when it comes to this. As much as he has always been taught to be as independent as possible, it's so scary to deal with a situation like this all by yourself.

He knows he isn't supposed to feel that way, but-- he can't help it.

It's why he says, slowly: ]

Are you a good shot?

[ He doubts it'd be enough to just straight up deal with that guy, but-- hey, you never know. ]

...well, yeah. I think so. With a gun...?

[ She's mostly shot in an Eva... but since that does some weird brain-merge shenanigans, she's pretty sure she could handle a real gun. ]

I'm not sure a gun would be enough in this case.

[ He does have to say that. He has to warn Asuka - especially since she doesn't seem to understand just how huge the threat actually is. If that guy does appear here one day, then-- Then he does have to make sure she doesn't recklessly throw herself at it.

Even if he isn't saying it out loud, Fabian would never forgive himself if something happened to Asuka because of him. ]

But, still.. [ .. A slight pause. It's still hard for him to talk about, apparently. ] I appreciate it, you know? You.. being on my side, and all that.

[ Witness this: two people who suck at talking about their feelings attempting to talk about their feelings. ]

I'm used to that. Sometimes you need more firepower.

[ Or an AT field. Or something. There's a lot wrapped up in her thoughts about violence and death and combat. She tries not to think too hard about it, really. It'll make her go a little nuts if she does.

And she doesn't particularly want to get too into it, either. ]

What else am I supposed to do? Just leave you to your own devices? Yeah, right!

[ He huffs a little. ]

I mean, you could do that.

[ You wouldn't be the first person to do it, Asuka! Maybe that's why it stands out so much to Fabian. He isn't really all that used to getting this level of back up outside of their existing little group of Bad Kids, so he appreciates it. ]

But I am glad to know you wouldn't. If you were ever in trouble here, all you'd have to do is let me know too, and I would come over immediately to help.

Well. I wouldn't need it.

[ She folds her arms with a little huff, trying to be a bit defensive. She's... touchy about a lot of this stuff, as Fabian is probably aware by now. ]

But I guess that'd be fine.

[ Yeah. This reaction? He totally sees it coming, and he knows Asuka well enough to know that she'd appreciate it, even if she would complain about it on the outside.

But that's just fine with him. Fabian will find validation one way or another! ]

Great. So.. If anything bad still happens to you while all of this horrible strangeness is going on, I will be hearing from you, right?

We'll see.

[ Huff. He probably will... she's just stubborn. ]

Perfect!

[ He's reacting as if she just plainly said yes.. Somehow.. Either Fabian is really delusional, or he's found the secret Asuka-speak dictionary. ]

Hang in there until then. I will see you again soon!

[ With that he ends the connection. ]

I'LL KILL YOU I'll kill you!	I HATE THIS I hate everyone.
THOUGH I hate myself the most.	I DON'T WANT TO DIE I don't want to die.

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cw: mention of poop in places where it shouldn't be

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continued cw from above!

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